If you’re not 10/10 sure where you fall on the sexual spectrum, here are 16 signs that you might be bi. We also have some great resources and coming out tips.
Bisexual (aka bi) peeps are romantically or sexually interested in more than one gender. But NGL, that definition is a bit basic. The sexual spectrum is a vast, beautiful, and sometimes confusing thing.
“Our culture is so oriented to binaries, it can be easy to feel pressured to ‘pick a side’ when it comes to sexual orientation,” says Dove Pressnall, MA, LMFT. “The reality is that, across cultures, human sexual experience and identity fall along a spectrum.”
Bi folks might be interested in one gender more than the other. Or they like all genders equally. It’s also totally normal for your feelings to change over time.
Here are 16 signs that you might be a bi babe.
1. Gender doesn’t matter to you
Can a person be attracted to someone regardless of the junk they’re rocking down under? Heck yes! For bi peeps, it’s more about how you feel about a person. Their gender doesn’t always matter as much.
PSA: This doesn’t mean you’re going to be romantically or sexually interested in everyone.
2. You think TV or movie characters are hot
If you’re into Ross and Rachel… or Jim and Pam… etc. you might be attracted to multiple genders. Maybe you even noticed this when you were a kid.
Obviously, this isn’t a definitive test. But it could help you start an internal chat about what you want, what you really really want.
3. Conflicting feels
Bisexuality — or any sexuality — isn’t black-and-white. So bi feelings can be uber confusing, especially if you’ve preferred one gender your whole life.
These feelings are 100 percent normal. The confusion should get better over time once you explore your feelings and desires a bit more.
4. It doesn’t have to be 50/50
Sexuality isn’t one-size-fits-all. Everyone has their own romantic preferences and sex styles. Bi peeps are no different.
You don’t have to evenly divide your interest between all genders. You can go through periods where you’re more interested in one than another. Or you can prefer one gender romantically and another gender sexually. There’s no exact science here.
5. You question your dreams
You can analyze your dreams all day long but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Your dreams don’t have to mean much or anything at all. But if you can’t stop thinking about a bi-tastic dream, there might be a reason.
6. You dig the label
Sometimes the label “bi” just fits. If you feel comfortable with this label it’s a good indicator that you’re bi.
Keep in mind, you DO NOT have to label yourself as bi. You could also relate to labels like bicurious, biromantic, cupiosexual, fluid, queer, omnisexual, pansexual, panromantic, olysexual, or something else. You can also just say “no” to all labels which is totally cool too.
7. You relate to other bi or queer people
When a celeb comes out as bi or queer, do you feel a sense of pride? Or maybe there’s a new bi character on your fave show and you think, “IT ME!”
While this doesn’t mean you’re bi (you could just be stoked someone is coming out as their authentic self) it could be an indicator.
8. You dig different types of porn
TBH porn may not count for much. You can find a genre of porn super hot but also might not be into it IRL. But if you’re super drawn to porn actors of any gender it might be a sign you’re down for a bi experience.
9. You can’t stop thinking about it
If you’re daydreaming about a beautiful bi love affair on the reg, it might be a sign you’re into any gender.
10. You like how it feels
Fantasizing about sex can be the bomb. But until you do the deed for realz, you might not know if you actually like it. Plus, everyone is different. Maybe you just didn’t vibe with the person you hooked up with.
11. You took a quiz
Taking an online “AM I BI?” quiz prob isn’t the best way to see if you’re a card-carrying LGBTQA+ member 🏳️🌈. But sometimes these quizzes can help you understand how you really feel which is a good thing.
12. You have a crush or are in luv
A crush can hit you like a ton of bricks. But it can be even more “WHAT IS HAPPENING?” vibes if you have romantic or sexual feelings for someone of a different gender than you’re used to.
Even if your crush doesn’t turn out to be “the one” it could still be a sign you’re interested in that gender in general.
13. You take it personally when someone disses #BiLife
Bi folks have to deal with A LOT of smack from all sides of the sexuality spectrum. Plenty of people assume that bi people are extremely sexually charged and that is why the whole “gender doesn’t matter” thing exists. There’s also the stigma of “you’re not gay enough” or “you’re not straight enough.”
If you’re bi you might take these unfair stigmas personally or feel hurt or attacked by them:
- “It’s just a phase.”
- “You’re just greedy.”
- “You must be slutty.”
- “You’re down for threesomes.”
And the biggie: “Bisexuality isn’t real.”
Well, let’s end the debate right now:
Bisexuality 👏 is 👏 real 👏. You do you.
14. You can picture a long-term relationship with any gender
A good way to tell if you’re bi is to visualize a long-term partnership with someone from any gender. You might feel more comfortable with one gender than another. Or, it all sounds great.
FYI: Bisexuality doesn’t vanish when you’re with a new person. When a bi person is in a gay or straight relationship, they’re still bi.
15. The bi flag is a source of pride
When pink, purple, and blue are combined it’s a glorious thing 💖💜💙. (Yet there’s still no bi flag emoji UGH!)
When you start to accept and love your bi-mazing self, it’s pretty clear that you know who you are. And you should be proud!
16. It just feels right
At the end of the day, the most important thing is doing what makes you happy. If a bi lifestyle is what works for you, then go for it!
If you’re questioning your bisexuality, here are some things you can ask yourself:
- Am I attracted to two or more genders?
- Is thinking about bi experiences fun or exciting?
- Does the thought of being bi make me feel good?
- Can I see myself being with any gender in the long-term?
- Does gender matter to me in terms of a romantic or sexual partner?
- Do I self-identify with other bi ppl (celebs, characters, or people I know)?
In 2013, the Pew Research Center asked 1,197 LGBT adults which orientation they most identified with. They found that 40 percent of participants identified as bi. Meanwhile, 36 percent identified as gay men, 19 percent identified as lesbians, and 5 percent identified as trans.
Granted, this is just one study. But it does shed a light on how many bi folks are out there!
“While some people will certainly strongly identify as either gay or straight, far more people fall somewhere in the middle,” says Pressnall.
Coming out is a super personal event. You don’t have to tell everyone (or anyone!) you know that you’re bi. But if you do want to come out, here are some tips to make it easier.
Come up with a plan. There’s really no right or wrong way to come out. It’s all about what you think is best. You might want to tell people face-to-face, in a letter, or via text.
Ease into it. You might want to tell a few trusted folks first. This might be easier than telling everyone all at once.
Figure out what you want to say. You can totes just go with the, “hey I’m bi, bye” text. But a lot of bi folks want to fully explain their feelings and emotions when they come out. Again, it’s about what feels right for you.
Decide if you want to give them a heads up. If you go with the in-person route, you can send them a text first. Here’s an example:
“Hey. I have something very important to tell you. But I would prefer to do it face-to-face or on the phone. Please let me know when you have a moment to talk. And don’t worry… it’s great news!”
Be prepared for their reaction. In a perfect world, your friends and family will all be super supportive and happy for you. But this doesn’t always happen. Just know that you’re valid, wanted, and loved no matter what anyone says.
Where to find support
Not everyone has a bisexual sherpa in their life. But you can find solace in other bi peeps on platforms like Reddit, Instagram, or YouTube.
Talk to a mental health care provider if your sexuality — or life in general — is making you feel stressed or sad. A queer-inclusive therapist might be best since they may have a deeper understanding of what you’re going through.
You can also look for local support groups or try a therapy app.
And remember… you’re far from alone ❤️.
The only person who gets to decide you’re bi is YOU! Don’t let anyone else tell you how you should feel about your sexuality. But if you are bi… CONGRATS, WOO!
Keep in mind, you don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to. Just remember that you’re perfect exactly as you are.
Reach out to a mental health specialist if you feel sad or confused about your sexuality. You can also find TONS of amazing, supportive bi communities online or in your local area.
You can check out the Bisexual Research Center to look for local support groups and connect with other bi peeps. There’s also lots of fab LGBTQA+ resources on GLAAD’s website.
P.S. There’s a thriving bisexual community on Reddit.